Me:“How can I help you today, ma’am?”
Client:“Is e-mail internet”?
Me:“I beg your pardon?”
Client:“Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”
Me:“Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”
Client:“Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”
Me:“Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”
Client:“Open what?”
Me:“Your browser, can you open up your browser?”
Me:“What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”
Client:“I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”
Me:“Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”
Client:“You mean I have to start writing letters again?”
Me:“I’m…what, I’m sorry?”
Client:“I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”
Me:“No, ma’am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”
Client:“Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”
Me:“We…okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”
Client:“My what?”
Me:“The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now – it’s most likely near your computer?”
Client:“Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.
Me:“My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”
Client:“It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”
Me:“An error message?”
Client:“No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”
Me:“…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”
Me:“Move it for me.”
Client:“Move it?”
Me:“Yes. Move it.”
Client:“My e-mail!”